


Tales of Derring-Do

by Project0506



Series: Soft Wars Silly Sides [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506
Summary: Fox isn't the only one with a TV show.  Neyo's has two differences: 1) Fox's is on the space HGTV while Neyo's is on the space Adult Swim and 2) Neyo had no idea.(AU, crack)
Relationships: CC-8826 | Neyo/CT-0292 | Vaughn
Series: Soft Wars Silly Sides [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706599
Comments: 43
Kudos: 308





	Tales of Derring-Do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vatukka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vatukka/gifts).



> This is a dumbass warmup fic based off of one terrible-hilarious pun Vatukka made. And so here, suffer with me :D

“It’s clearly you.”

Neyo stares at the holoimage. It’s clone-adjascent at least. They have the skin tone about right and there’s the same general impression one gets from Jango Fett’s face. No clone was ever made with _that_ chiseled a chin though. And the long, flowing mane would be a beast to try to wrestle under a helmet.

The serial number tattoo down the left side of the face _is_ kind of telling, however.

“I don’t see it,” he lies. Cartoon Neyo has one foot up a pile of droids, holds an impractically-large rifle in incredibly irresponsible ways and smirks out into the middle distance.

“Really.” Bacara’s deadpan is frosty. “You don’t see it. At all.”

“Not at all.”

WAC-47 has buried his optical sensor in Enentee’s stomach fur and is complaining that the animated ‘him’ was depicted as quite that bumbling. They named the character 0H-N0.

Neyo can kind of see _that_ , honestly.

Bacara flips to the next image, one of the main cast of the hottest adult cartoon to hit the holonet. Cartoon Neyo is in that same leg-up-irresponsible-firearm position. Cartoon WAC-47 is down in front, mid-trip over a rock and flailing with it. To Cartoon Neyo’s left is… Cartoon Bacara, probably. The Marine coloring of the armor is right, and the person has the right skin tone, eye color and they do have a beard.

Cartoon Bacara is built like a barn and armored as if someone took every single option possible for a GAR trooper and pasted it on him, painted the whole thing Nova colors then strapped a man-sized cannon to his back. He’s also missing an eye, suspiciously like Wolffe, and his beard would, like Cartoon Neyo’s hair, also have trouble fitting inside a helmet. He’s snarling, braced like he’s about to go after someone with his teeth. It’s… intimidating. A far sight more than Cartoon Neyo, at any rate.

And to Cartoon Neyo’s right…

“He’s not wearing very much at all, is he?” Vaughn muses. That’s an understatement.

Cartoon Vaughn is in white plastex hotpants with Torrent blue trim. The side seams are laced up, corset-style. He’s wearing actual regulation shoulder pads and a non-regulation… well that’s a bikini top. Doesn’t matter if it’s drawn like it’s plastoid armor. It’s clearly a bikini top. His cloud of blond, fluffy curls would _also_ be difficult to fit under a helmet. Good job that no one in this cartoon particularly goes for helmets. He’s partway through a very Vod’alor spin kick. His boots are high-heeled.

“That would be Sidearm.” Any drier, and Bacara’s voice is going to start dropping the humidity in the room. “Commander Comely’s Sexy Sidekick.”

WAC-47 is a droid and _can’t actually cough_ , but he starts faking it enough that Vaughn has to go rescue Not Neyo’s Tooka.

“You know this wasn’t me, right?”

Neyo and Bacara both stare at the holoimage for a long time. It’s really rather well drawn. The little details in the armor, the background, their expressions, it all rolls up to tell a lot about these former soldier-current interplanetary mercenaries without having to say a word.

Bacara sighs. “I had hoped.” Neyo gives him an unimpressed look for that, expectant. For a moment Bacara is uncharacteristically shifty, and then he sighs again, explosively. “They made me a Captain,” he mutters, as petulant as Neyo has ever heard him. “Captain Counterstrike.”

“We’ve been friends for a very long time,” Neyo says evenly. “That’s why I’m going to wait until you’re gone to mock you mercilessly. I think that’s real personal growth for me.” He still gives Bacara a friendly tap to the shoulder, one hard enough that his knuckles throb. It’s only fair, they both knew Bacara came fully prepared to icily sarcasm at Neyo if he’d, in fact, been the perpetrator. “But you’re going to want to make that fast. My personal growth isn’t _that_ grown.”

Bacara isn’t who he is because he ignores honest warnings. He retreats as quickly across Neyo’s brand-new hardwood floors as he can without looking like he’s fleeing. Neyo starts cackling and pointing before he hits the front door. It isn’t until he hears Bacara’s speeder disappearing into the trees around Neyo’s homestead that Vaughn casually floats back into the room, snuggling the tooka that is most certainly not Neyo’s.

Vaughn tips her into Neyo’s arms, and Neyo shoves her up to his shoulders where she likes to nap.

Vaughn has a truly impressive innocent face.

Vaughn also has a room in the house they built with huge windows on three sides catching perfect sunlight for most of the day, which Neyo has been summarily banned from for weeks while Vaughn ‘finds himself’.

Apparently animated in white hotpants.

Vaughn clears his throat and putters about the room.

“I just have one question.”

Vaughn peeks at him from under the fall of his gently curling bangs. “Just the one?”

Well, no. But the rest Neyo can probably answer by thinking about it for a little. The ‘why’, for instance. The ‘how’ is also up there. As is the ‘when’. And the ‘what’s next’.

And ‘where’s the royalty going’, but then Neyo and Vaughn are going on vacation to a spa planet for two weeks, and Bacara and _his_ sidearm are going someplace they can chase things, sleep in ice tents and howl at some moons next month, so Neyo’s got a good answer for that too.

“Do you draw things entirely from your imagination or do you have to get… source material?”

They have a very large mirror in that salon.

Vaughn’s smile is that little twist of devious no one outside of Neyo and Torrent believes he has. “If you’re asking if I got myself inspirational white hotpants. No.”

Neyo waits. He’s gotten better at that, he thinks. Better at reading signs too.

Vaughn’s smile widens. “I needed contrast to get the lines right. I got them in black. So are the boots.”

“Marry me,” Neyo demands, not for the first time. First time out loud though.

Vaughn pats the part of his shoulder not occupied by Enentee. “Good timing. It would have been really annoying to go on our honeymoon if you hadn’t asked before then. I’ll have Captain Rex and your brother come over tomorrow evening, we’ll make a dinner of it.”

Neyo will wait til after they get back from the honeymoon to find out what species Vaughn was thinking for their kids.

He hopes Vaughn packs the boots and hotpants.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [When One Tooka's Away](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28607550) by [Project0506](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506)




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